During my last visit to the local city library, a book titled “Elegance: On an Attitude that Enriches Our Interactions” caught my eye. I hesitated for a moment, as I was on my way to the second floor. Simultaneously, I wondered what the author had to say on the subject. A glance at the blurb couldn\u2019t hurt. I don\u2019t know if there\u2019s a universally accepted definition of the term (likely). However, what draws me is the comparison between my perspective and a potential new one on the topic. Without ever having deeply considered what elegance means to me, I\u2019ve always assumed that a person either possesses it or doesn\u2019t. What I mean is that, for me, elegance is something that can\u2019t easily be put into words. It\u2019s not a one-dimensional concept. Elegance is not just good fashion sense. It has a lot to do with sophistication, a certain way of expressing oneself and presenting oneself, indeed, appearing. This attitude is evident to me in some period dramas. But I\u2019ve also observed elegance in a few personalities I\u2019ve met in my life. Few, indeed, but they do exist. So, I have enough reason to delve deeper into the conceptual framework.<\/p>\n
Barbara Vinken, a German literary scholar and fashion theorist; also a Professor of General Literature and Romance Philology at Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich, wrote the aforementioned book. So, I borrow her work and take it home. During a train ride to the Harz, this book becomes my companion. The introduction features Beau Brummell, aka \u201cThe Ultimate Man of Style,\u201d to use Ian Kelly’s words. This early 19th-century bon vivant presumably embodies exactly what Vinken understands by elegance: good looks, a refined yet simple style of dress, excellent manners, and a life philosophy that instantly cheers me up: \u201cAny idea of housekeeping repels the dandy; above all, the idea of earning his own money seems utterly vulgar. He spends vast sums he doesn\u2019t have on the most exquisite things, often quite unspectacular and unobtrusive, without batting an eyelid.\u201d Delightful!<\/p>\n
Madame de Pompadour: \u201cAlways be cheerful if you want to be beautiful.\u201d<\/strong> And what modern, though literary, figures come to mind? One is Martin Suter\u2019s protagonist in his “Allmen” crime series. Johann Friedrich von Allmen is the perfect dandy: no money, immensely charming, spends other people\u2019s money, is somehow always broke. Loves the good life and women.<\/p>\n These characteristics are also wonderfully embodied by Larry from the series “The Durrells in Corfu.” A semi-successful writer with many romantic entanglements, also without money, but with style.<\/p>\n Louis d\u2019Orl\u00e9ans, duc de Nemours<\/strong> Now, after the first wistful sigh, the thought sneaks into my head where one could find such a man today? Among the many \u201chigh achievers\u201d in society, women will likely search in vain. High achievers, as Vinken reports, \u201chave no charm to spare, no minute to waste, no smile to squander. They relentlessly pursue their interest with steely determination. Their minds are filled with numbers, not witty remarks or charming attentions.\u201d How sad, because, isn\u2019t it precisely this play between man and woman that sweetens everyday life, makes one forget worries, in short: makes life together worthwhile? Is it true that \u201ccharming courtship\u201d is extinct because it costs time and perhaps money? According to the findings of Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz\u2019s study “The Good Life,” this is rather short-sighted. For feeling happy and being healthy is not necessarily a matter of money or fame. Relationships, the human connection, the sense of being part of a community are the crucial factors.<\/p>\n The Unwillingness to Ever Imagine What the Other Is Going Through<\/strong> Especially in relationships, whether in love or \u201cjust\u201d friendship, it\u2019s important, as psychologists Ivan and Marianne Verny point out, to be responsive to each other, to listen, to take the other seriously, to respect them. No one wants to be lectured by the other. Why not sometimes play the \u201cChevalier des dames\u201d?<\/p>\n The Lightness of Being<\/strong> And if you want to be elegant, as Vinken informs us, then you should not put others in their place, have the grace to let the other be sovereign, not objectify or use them. Her advice: \u201cGive the other space.\u201d True elegance is not about appearances but is an attitude of kindness.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" During my last visit to the local city library, a book titled “Elegance: On an Attitude that Enriches Our Interactions” caught my eye. I hesitated for a moment, as I was on my way to the second floor. Simultaneously, I wondered what the author had to say on the subject. A glance at the blurb couldn\u2019t hurt. I don\u2019t know<\/p>\n
\nAnd the wonderful thing is, this is not about an affected, self-absorbed fop wearing the latest fashion or, better yet, becoming trendy through wearing it. No, our Beau carries elegance in his heart. This means Bryan\u2019s life elixir is not the same as that of a Narcissus. Unlike the Greek youth, it\u2019s not about his reflection but rather about being pleasing. Quelle diff\u00e9rence! His goal is to perfect the elegance of a cheerful attitude. Alors, my imagination immediately runs wild, bringing to mind a quote from the film “The Counselor”: “Perhaps women are fascinated by men without morals? Of course, men like that in women too. But men delude themselves into thinking they can change women. Women don\u2019t want to change anything; they want to be entertained. The truth about women is you can do anything with them, except bore them.”<\/p>\n
\nAs another example of consummate gallantry, Vinken cites the Duke of Nemours: \u201cHe takes pleasure in everything and delights everyone, is cheerful and lively. With utmost tact, he discreetly helps out of a predicament, generously and discreetly resolves any embarrassment. He is extremely quick-witted, barely flustered, and lets others maintain their composure. In short, the Duke of Nemours is the most pleasant, lovable, lively courteous, exquisitely charming man imaginable.\u201d I can\u2019t imagine any woman who wouldn\u2019t want to meet this gentleman immediately, myself included 😊.<\/p>\n
\nIn contemporary interactions, it seems to me, elegance in the sense of an attentive attitude towards others is a character trait that one must afford to have. One who has even written a book about it is Count Baldessare Castiglione. His work “Libro del cortegiano” (The Book of the Courtier) from the 16th century is about nothing less than a \u201csuccessful and delightful togetherness.\u201d Perhaps a notion nowadays that might seem strange to some.<\/p>\n
\nWith the terms \u201csprezzatura\u201d (seeming effortlessness) and \u201cdisinvoltura\u201d (generous carelessness), the Italian language has found two words worth embodying. \u201cCarrie Bradshaw,\u201d the icon from \u201cSex and the City\u201d embodies this attitude for me. Even if she\u2019s just a fictional character. However, there must be a reason why the series was not only very successful on TV but specifically Bradshaw became a fan favorite.<\/p>\n